Making a Baby.. This is hilarious!

Making a Baby.. This is hilarious!

This is just so funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.

The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain, 'Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!.

After a moment she asked, blushing,

'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed,

grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep

to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith,

her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for

more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

'Do you mean they actually

chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can

get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs.Smith fainted.

Cocoa Makes A Great Warm Drink In Winter !

Want A Great Warm Drink On These Cold Winter Days & Nights !                              I haven't brought milo in quite a few years now, too expensive. I've been making us hot drinks of cocoa to warm us up, so much cheaper and so much nicer, well we all think so. To make a hot cuppa just put a teaspoon of cocoa powder(Woolworth's home brand tastes the best and is pure cocoa) and a teaspoon of sugar or two to your taste, add hot water and some milk, its delicious also gluten free and much better for you budget . Some times I make Jack a cocoa chino, I shake the milk in the carton and add the froth to the top he just loves it , so simple and makes him feel special. I buy the Woolworth's home brand pure cocoa its costs $3.47 for a 375gram  box, and if used just for drinks will last ages, but I also use it to make chocolate muffins & cakes etc. So if you are watching the budget & want a nicer drink, why not give cocoa a try and you be the judge. Also makes a great drink anytime you could also make it in place of buying choc milk, make it with a little bit of hot water then add the rest cold water and milk. We have our Thermos's and have been known to take our hot cocoa with us on outings in the winter. Warms us up a treat !

Make Your Own Caster Sugar & Icing Sugar !

Make your own caster sugar & icing sugar!
Caster sugar & icing sugar are always more expensive to buy, so why not just make your own. Just buy ordinary white sugar and blitz it in your blender, to make caster sugar and blitz a little longer to make icing sugar. That way you only need to buy one product to create 3 products, saves time and money. Have you ever decided to cook something, then read the ingredients and you haven't got any caster sugar or icing sugar or not enough for the recipe, so you cannot make it or you'll need to take a trip to the shop to buy some.Well I hope this tip will save you both time and money in the future.
Or do you do this already !

Making Shortbread Biscuits Today ! Failsafe !

Jack and I made shortbread biscuits today !
Here is the recipe
3 cups wholemeal plain flour.
1/2 cup caster sugar.
250 grams butter.
1/4 cup of corn flour. (I used a gluten free flour I had in the pantry that has failsafe ingredients)
Put all ingredients into the food processor and mix well until fully combined, we pressed it out on glad bake paper and cut shapes out then cooked them in a preheated oven 160 degrees Celsius for 25 minutes. In the second picture I love Jack's little man, he went a little browner then the rest, because he was a little thinner. They tasted very nice, I ate too many already.

Who Thinks It Is Expensive Going To The Movies!

Do you think  its expensive going to the movies!
Because it was the school holidays we took Jack to the movies to see Cars 2 which he was really looking forward to seeing. We usually try to go to the movies on the Terrific Tuesdays when possible as its cheaper, last time we went to the movies was last school holidays and we took Jack to see The Dairy of a Wimpy Kid 2. The Last time was on a Tuesday the tickets were $11 each, yesterday being a Saturday tickets were adults $16.50 and children $13 each so in total $46 to see a movie. Kev and I love going to the movies but only to see things we really want to see, the rest we are happy to wait for them to be released onto DVD and get them from the library for free. I remember taking my older boys to the movies in the school holidays when they were younger . The cinema would often have early bird specials on the school holidays, so it would cost us $5 per ticket so $15 in total to see a movie and we always took our own snacks to save a few dollars. That was in 1998, boy things have changed a little. So the moral of the story is, try to go on a Tuesday if you want to save a few dollars ! Or if you want to save even more dollars rent the DVD or spend no dollars and get it from the library for free !

Walking Great Exercise ! Why Waste Money At The Gym !

Walking is great exercise !
I've been walking every day now for 48 days, I'm very proud of myself as I'm not really a big fan of exercise. As a lot of my readers may know we live on a 25 acre block, so I have been walking around the fire break of our block, it takes me 20 minutes. They say if you do something for 21 days it will become a habit, I haven't missed a day, it has become part of my day now. Jack is on school holidays so he has been walking with me but my normal routine is walking to the end of our drive way, where the school bus picks Jack up at about 8am every morning Monday to Friday then I set off for my walk. I love the crispness of the air and it unblocks all my sinuses, my breathing is improving since walking also,which is great,I sometimes walk barefoot, great for earthing me, so much healthier then any gym. You get fresh air,exercise,earthing,beautiful scenery, all the wild flowers, we saw emus yesterday , I usually see heaps of kangaroos, once I saw a fox, all for free. Summer time I'd be scared if I saw snakes, but as its not that time of year yet I won't think about it yet. The photo above is part of the fire break around our block.I've never been a member of a gym , I've always thought it was a waste of money, when you can do some many things that keep you active. My friend Debbie and I used to meet and go walking along the beach that was lovely, look forward to doing that this summer,so Deb if you are reading today's blog, what do you think. Here are a few photos of the wild flowers now in bloom on our block. What does every one else do for exercise, I'd like to buy a bike and go bike riding, that would be a nice family activity to all go bike riding , I will put that on my list !

 

Make Your Own Garlic Butter !

Make Your Own Garlic Butter !
I love making my own garlic butter, I use it to make my own garlic bread, how yummy. I must admit I've never ever purchased garlic bread from the supermarket, once I picked up a packet of garlic bread from the fridge section, read the ingredients and it was back in the fridge as quick as a flash, I wont be buying that. I've always made my own, with butter,garlic & a little parsley , so easy to make so why would you bother to buy it. I never buy ready prepared foods, I've always enjoyed making my own from scratch ,that way I know what I'm eating. I've been spreading the garlic butter on my thick home made bread toasted, its so yummy. In the failsafe way of eating, parsley is only used as a garnish, not sure why I will need to do more research on that. Parsley is a low salicylate, makes food look more colourful and parsley is so full of lots of vitamins & minerals. This batch I used garlic powder as I couldn't find any local garlic. You could also add a dob to cooked meat, stir through pasta, add to potatoes & other vegetables.

Making Bread With Dry Yeast That Was Still Ok Way Past Use By Date !

Making bread with yeast best before 2007
I've had this packet of dry yeast sachets in my pantry since I made bread last which would have been around 2005. In those years I haven't eaten very much bread really. Kev eats a lot of bread but he is happy with the spud shed bread for 99cents a loaf so at that price why bother making it.Any way back to the story about the yeast, about once a year I have looked at the use by date and have been going to throw it away and then thought I'll make some bread and use it up, well that has gone on for 6 years now. So yesterday I decided to use one of the sachets, I had 7 left in the packet so I figured if it the bread didn't rise I would then through it away, I hate wasting food. The loaf of bread was delicious so the yeast was still ok even after all these years, you can see the best before date on the top of the packet December 2007. I made the loaf of bread in our bread maker, I have thought on a few occasions we aren't making bread anymore I should sell the bread maker its taking up valuable space. Well now I'm eating the failsafe way at least making my own bread I know whats in it. I used 500grams plain home brand wholemeal flour, 1 tablespoon white sugar, 2 teaspoons salt ( I used Himalayan salt) and 370 mils of rainwater, It was lovely, it was what I would call, a really gutsy, wholesome loaf of bread, I hate airy fairy bread. I made garlic butter and had it spread on fresh cut slices and a thick slice for breakfast with butter and rice syrup, how yummy. I'm making another loaf of bread as I'm blogging now. Yesterdays loaf I had on the 4 hour cycle today its on the 5 hour cycle I'll see which loaf is the best. So the moral of the story is just because it says best before doesn't always mean that is the case, especially if it is in a sealed sachet. What have you used that was past its use by date ? how old was it ?and was it ok. Some foods I'd be a little careful about, We need to use our own discretion.

Lunch Today - My Chicken Wrap ! (Failsafe)

Lunch Today - My Chicken Wrap ! (Failsafe)
As some of my readers may know I'm eating the failsafe way , so today I made myself a chicken wrap its was so delicious, I give it a 10 out of 10.
I have been buying these flat bread  for years as my son Jacks loves them, they don't contain any nasty preservatives or additives.They are made by Saidoun Lebanese bakeries in Malaga, Western Australia. Yesterday we brought a cooked free range chicken from Woolworth's, I've asked them several times do their chickens have anything added, spices etc and they have assured me they don't. (this is good). So today I filled my wrap with chicken, finely shredded lettuce, finely chopped parsley and some natural yoghurt (Mundella)and a sprinkle of garlic powder. I will be making this one again. I'm eating wheat and dairy at this time, always when I've had vega readings,wheat & dairy always come up not suitable for me to eat. But now I'm following the failsafe way I'll find out for myself if they are a problem or not, I'm not sure how accurate those vega testing machines really are.I've been wheat & dairy free for years and my health hasn't improved at all. So a change is in order, I'm starting to feel that the salicylates could be my problem, time will tell.I'd love to hear from any one else eating the failsafe way  & what do others think of allergy testing from vega machines.

Make Your Own Rice Crumbs & Save A Small Fortune !

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Make Your Own Rice Crumbs !
And save a small fortune !
Years ago when I was eating wheat/gluten free I brought rice crumbs a few times, they were so expensive so I looked for an alternative which was polenta. I used to use polenta (cornmeal) as a replacement at a fraction of the price.Great for gluten free people out there.But now I'm eating the failsafe way, corn is not suitable. So I've decided to make my own rice crumbs again, its so much cheaper to make your own from rice cakes, just put a packet of rice cakes in the food processor or blender(I recommend you take them out of the packet first)lol...  for a few seconds and there you have it, how simple is that. I usually try to buy at least 6 packets of plain rice cakes when they are on special. Now I'm eating the failsafe way I plan to make some chicken nuggets by coating the free range chicken pieces in rice crumbs with some garlic powder & salt.

Get More Wear Out Of A Childs Zipper Jacket By Lengthening The Sleeves!

Getting at least another 1-2 years more wear out of Jack's hoodie by lengthening the sleeves!
We brought this zip up hoodie for Jack, when we were in Melbourne in 2007 when we travelled around Australia for 6 months. But I noticed when he was wearing it a few months back that the sleeves were half way up his arm but the rest still fitted just fine.So last week I decided to lengthen the sleeves, as I was sorting out Jack's clothes I found an old tract suit top that was way to small, I think it was a size three. So I decided to recycle it, and reuse for lengthening the sleeves in his zip up hoodie. I cut it open at the seams and cut the hoodie sleeves so I could insert the fabric to lengthen them. It turned out really good and so I have extended the wear to probably a few more years. As its his favourite, he was very happy it will last a lot longer. Also saves me buying him another one, good for my pocket and the environment. I just love recycling / up cycling and with the remainder of the small tract suit top I made Jack a beanie, with this cold weather I'm sure it will come in handy.

Eating The Failsafe Way ! My Cornish Pasties Recipe !

My Cornish Pasties !
I've started eating the failsafe way,its day 4 and I'm starting to feel a little better.The failsafe way of eating is no artificial colours, flavours, additives, preservatives,salicylates or amines.Sue Dengate is the author of Fedup and the Failsafe cookbook, which I'm reading at the moment, I would really recommend any one out there with any health problems read it, its available in the State library system. Well I'm into day 4 and I'm starting to feel that I may have a problem with salicylates, as I very rarely ever eat food with preservatives, colours etc. After reading what you can eat it is very limited,so being the resourceful person that Iam, I'm working out lots of failsafe meals that are suitable for me to eat. So yesterday I made cornish rolls, very similar to cornish pasties except the shape. I used brought Borgs organic wholemeal pastry so easier to make roll shapes.I used what I had available, finely diced potatoes & celery, lamb & beef mince from butchers with no preservatives a little bit of finely chopped parsley and Himalayan salt. Mixed well and rolled into roll shapes cook 35-40 minutes in a hot oven 190 degrees C Fan forced. The ones above I put into the freezer to keep fresh for latter in the week . I made 16 . When I make another batch I will add leek and swede. If any one is interested in reading more about the Failsafe way of eating please check it out at http://www.fedup.com.au/  it could make a big difference to you or a family members life. So I'll be adding different failsafe recipes on my blog that I create. If you have children that are hyperactive, grizzly,sulky, complaining of feeling sick a lot it could be worth checking out.Boy I wish I had of known about failsafe eating when my middle son was growing up . He would react badly to the colouring 102 tartrazine which is in so many foods it would send him off the rails and dairy products would make him cough, like he was having an asthma attack. A few doctors kept telling me he had asthma, but I knew he didn't as soon as I removed dairy products from his diet the coughing stopped.I believe he had and still has a problem with salicylates in his diet, once I'm symptom free I will discuss it with him. Its amazing just how food can affect some people.

When Collecting Wood Wrap In Newspaper Saves Lots Of Mess !

When Collecting Wood Wrap In Newspaper ! 
The other day when I was getting wood for our slow combustion fire, I had a great idea, so I  thought it was worth sharing with you all, (boy its been cold).I was collecting wood to bring inside when I thought why not wrap them as I pick them up in newspaper, that will save me getting dirty hands from the wood, then you can put it straight into the fire saves a lot of mess, I can tell you. I made a wood carry bag a few years ago which is also great for filling with wood to bring inside. I did a post on it earlier on, in my blog, I may do a tutorial to make one, they are so handy, also saves so much mess going all over the floor. We have a wheel barrow that we fill with chopped wood that is on our front verandah in case its raining when we need to collect more, saves us getting wet.

40 Hessian Coffee Sacks !

40 Hessian Coffee Sacks !
I ordered 40 hessian coffee sacks last week and they arrived today ! I have been wanting to buy some of these for a few years now, but when I was searching for them some time back, I couldn't find any in Australia, only the US and it was going to cost me a small fortune for postage. So when I found a company in Melbourne that sell them I was really excited, so I ordered 40 and they arrived today. I want to make them into tote bags to sell and for gifts. I'm sure I will find lots of other uses for them. I have been searching the net for ideas, I even saw them made into curtains. They would also probably make great mats. Any one got any great ideas what people make with them. In the US they call it burlap here in Australia we call it hessian , but I googled and they are the same thing !I love recycling things into something else that's usable, I guess you call it up cycling when you make something new from something old. 40 may seem a lot of coffee sacks, but if you know me, if I think its a good deal I always want to buy lots.I always figure if I'm paying for postage I want to get as much as I can for my money. Doesn't always work out in my best interest sometimes.
Note: I purchased the coffee sacks from a company in Melbourne called "Wrigglers organic waste recyclers"  Please email Peter Conversano at wriggler@y7mail.com